I am Woman

I look in my life for signs that I've officially turned from a girl or a teenager into a woman. It's an incredible difference, because there are so many aspects of who I am that have changed so subtlely and gradually, in combination they form one almost entirely different person. The recognition of this fact is sudden, and almost disturbing, because I didn't notice it happening, and the mirror holds nothing in the way of evidence to help explain or solve this particular mystery.

I don't do everything right, nobody does- but most things are in really good order. My room, for example. It stays clean, and I'm not sure how that seems to be happening, I must sleep clean... or maybe it's just that I always put things back in their proper place now??!!? Holy cow, what a concept. Also, I know how to do my makeup correctly. I pay my bills. I am taking care of 3 pets right now and juggle that with my 7hr/day job, remaining sociable, calm, and collected. When I stress, I recognize that stress for what it is, and allieviate its symptoms through dance, guitar, prayer, and meditiation. I also have a very tight budget, which I'm adhering to with more discipline than I thought I had to work with in the first place. Ladies and Gentleman, I have spontaenously generated disicipline from thin air! I only wish I knew my secret.

In retrospect, there was another major change in the past year or so. But you couldn't see most of it on the outside. There were major improvements in my level of independence, my handle of personal finances, attitude, self-image, and all those good things.

I know I don't really have much on my plate when compared to some other people my age, and I'm glad for that. I think I'm in a really good place right now, emotionally, spiritually, hey- even physically.

I'm actually quite happy with things as they are. I don't really want any more major changes anytime soon, I'd like to rest in how it is now! That's funny isn't it? I've always been a real Pocahontas, singing "Just around the river bend" at the top of my lungs, recklessly venturing far far away from home and pushing and riding on the edge of my destiny, well now I feel like I've arrived somewhere. Like a lake or something. Yes!! My life is a LAKE. A calm, still, reflective lake.

hahaha, not!

This is definitely still a river, an exciting one! With rapids, and river otters jumping all over the place, leaping out of the water and over my head splashing water crazily and squealing like they do... oookay I think you at last have enough comic imagery to understand what I'm saying. One thing I know for sure: I've got to stay on my toes or this little boat will flip right the heck over!!!

I've entitled my blog "August Rush" and think I ought to make one important distinction: I used to chase my destiny but not anymore. I no longer feel that I'm chasing anything. Why would I chase something which inevitably bounds towards me? For a long time I've been under the illusion that destiny is something to be pursued. Actually, I'm meeting with it, because it's not just waiting, it's excited for me, it's headed towards me too. This "something" is the difference between my dreams and my capabilites, an equasion whose final answer leaves me with a reality that is somewhat supernaturally awesome. My extraordinary change of perspective has CHANGED EVERTHING. I'm riding the wave, my future has the same thing in mind, to be in and of itself, mind-blowing. I smile impulsively whenever I think about tomorrow. My future wants me too, and if you'll please allow, we've decided to conssumate some dreams of mine.

No comments :

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment!

Content by Laura Gabriele