Maybe you're considering not even giving him the gift anymore. Maybe you're thinking it's a deal breaker, but you don't want to be shallow either...
I have been there.
Although I'm no relationship expert and I don't know the full story behind your situation, I want to share what has worked for me - 3 key things - you can do right now to change the way you feel and to maintain a positive mindset.
1) Know That Your Feelings are Justified
You're right, to the outside it might seem shallow to get so upset over material things. But bestselling marriage author Gary Chapman calls receiving gifts one of the 5 love languages (key relationship builders!) that different types of people need in order to feel valued.
I have a feeling that if you are really feeling a deep pain right now about not receiving something thoughtful, gift then your love language may be receiving gifts!
If you're in a committed relationship, make sure you're communicating your love language clearly.
Explain the love languages and learn your partner's -lead by example by making sure you are fulfilling their love language. Remember it's all about building each other up, not tearing each other down!
I recently had a big ah-ha moment when I realized I could be doing better for myself, and it caused a chain reaction in my marriage relationship for the better. I finally opened myself up to the concept of purchasing myself things from time to time. By cutting out some of the desperate longing to get "permission" to have things we enjoy can put us in a position of greater self-control.
I don't know about you, but I absolutely love fresh cut flowers. Now - personal story - on random occasions, no matter how much I would drop a hint, or even directly ask for flowers, my husband rarely bought them for me. I realized that asking directly was a turn-off. We had a heart-to-heart about this and he revealed that all my asking gave him a mental block around buying me flowers. At the time of writing this, he has begun to surprise me with gifts after me telling him about the love languages and me modeling the love languages toward him.
In the meantime, I tried The Bouqs and FedEx wouldn't leave them at my door so they died in the box - twice! (don't worry I got a refund) but I'm still on the hunt for another flower box subscription so I can care for myself in this way. My man saw that I was doing it for myself, and he was put in the position to notice the void that I had to fill. And when it didn't work out for me, It helped him see that it's better for him to do it.
Bonus) When NOT to buy gifts.
Some people because of financial reasons will choose not to buy each other gifts for major holidays. Flowers are a funny thing. Through communication (#1) my husband and I have an understanding that I won't receive flowers on holidays such as Valentines Day, when they go double the price overnight, because that is just silly. This is when a nice note would be a good replacement. Ask him to write you a note so you have a physical representation of his love for you.
Did you like this post?Explain the love languages and learn your partner's -lead by example by making sure you are fulfilling their love language. Remember it's all about building each other up, not tearing each other down!
2) Improve Your Self Care
How well do you care for yourself? Your belongings?I recently had a big ah-ha moment when I realized I could be doing better for myself, and it caused a chain reaction in my marriage relationship for the better. I finally opened myself up to the concept of purchasing myself things from time to time. By cutting out some of the desperate longing to get "permission" to have things we enjoy can put us in a position of greater self-control.
I don't know about you, but I absolutely love fresh cut flowers. Now - personal story - on random occasions, no matter how much I would drop a hint, or even directly ask for flowers, my husband rarely bought them for me. I realized that asking directly was a turn-off. We had a heart-to-heart about this and he revealed that all my asking gave him a mental block around buying me flowers. At the time of writing this, he has begun to surprise me with gifts after me telling him about the love languages and me modeling the love languages toward him.
In the meantime, I tried The Bouqs and FedEx wouldn't leave them at my door so they died in the box - twice! (don't worry I got a refund) but I'm still on the hunt for another flower box subscription so I can care for myself in this way. My man saw that I was doing it for myself, and he was put in the position to notice the void that I had to fill. And when it didn't work out for me, It helped him see that it's better for him to do it.
3) Leave Comparison in the Dust
Have you ever heard the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy?" That's true in one sense. For example - you may compare the fact you bought him something with the fact that he gave you nothing at all. That fact alone could drive you crazy if you choose to fixate on it. But it isn't fair to him. If you can't feel genuinely happy for others and grateful about your own life, you are blocking yourself from joy. Remain open with love instead of blocked with frustration. I love what Marie Forleo says about jealousy and the comparison game. See her video here!Bonus) When NOT to buy gifts.
Some people because of financial reasons will choose not to buy each other gifts for major holidays. Flowers are a funny thing. Through communication (#1) my husband and I have an understanding that I won't receive flowers on holidays such as Valentines Day, when they go double the price overnight, because that is just silly. This is when a nice note would be a good replacement. Ask him to write you a note so you have a physical representation of his love for you.
